The Oatridge Family

We would like to say thank you to the Oatridge family for letting us share their story as part of our 40 Faces of St Nic’s.

The Oatridge family’s experience with St Nic’s started after Mark, Husband to Alison and Dad to Callie and Miki, received the diagnosis that he had a brain tumour.

“Brain tumour, is a scary thing to hear.”

“It’s even more scary when it’s combined with life-limiting,” Callie says.

“These words crept into our lives in April of 2022. It was the Friday of the early May bank holiday weekend. Dad had awoken from a nap and couldn’t find the right words. ‘Doors’ instead of ‘washers’. ‘Covid’ instead of ‘cough’. Something wasn’t right.

“One ambulance, four 111 conversations and two hospitals later we had braced ourselves for a stroke, delirium and multiple other conditions that would have matched his symptoms: headaches, dysphasia, change in mood and memory issues.

“We had prepared for all the worst things we could think of – except brain tumour.

“Dad was told that he would need to have a craniotomy and debulking operation. This would involve him being awake for much of it and doing activities that would indicate to surgeons whether they were impacting his communication or motor skills.

“The operation had its risks, significant risks. So when he went into hospital we had to prepare to lose Dad. I remember waking up to George Ezra’s Green Green Grass and thinking it was an omen because it says: ‘You better throw a party on the day that I die’.

“But Dad’s operation was a success. The surgeon told Mum that everything that had taken up the blue dye had been removed.

“Four days later Dad was helping me look for a new car and admiring sports cars. He couldn’t wait to get back to driving – finally stop browsing for his retirement car, start shopping and buy one.

“But three days later we’d all come to realise that Dad wouldn’t be going back to driving.

“Glioblastoma – Life-limiting. Six months with no treatment. Maybe 18 with treatment.

“Those were the words my Mum and Dad had to hear at the follow up appointment and the ones my Dad repeated when my sister and I finally asked what the consultant had said, because the silence when they got home told us that it wasn’t good.

“As a family we were at the mercy of a disease with treatments that promised little success. Hope is something we’d never struggled to have in our family. But with stark statistics around the disease and the treatments – you have to grapple for it.

“It’s easy to feel hopeless. Despite this, Dad remained hopeful. Fifteen rounds of radiation. Eight rounds of three different chemotherapies.

“He embraced them much like he did any adventure. Whole heartedly and with courage. And with the odd Elton John song to lighten the mood.

“For about a year the fight seemed manageable and Dad seemed as ‘Dad’ as he could be. We rallied round as a family; we booked holidays, we made memories and supported Dad through his treatment. And we hoped.”

“Into our lives walked St Nicholas Hospice Community Nursing Team.”

In December 2022, Mark’s symptoms became worse and the situation began to become unmanageable and the family decided that they needed help. During a hospital appointment, Alison asked for more help, and was put in touch with the Hospice.

Callie says: “Dad began to lose his words again and by Christmas morning he couldn’t write the labels for my Mum’s presents. With the introduction of steroids these symptoms subsided, but so did our hope.

“Losing hope is devastating. You don’t realise how much your life and mental health relies on it until you lose it.

“And so, with our hope waning, we asked for help – or my Mum did at one of Dad’s hospital appointments that December. And into our lives walked St Nicholas Hospice Community Nursing Team.

“Their help was immeasurable. Dad was assigned a Hospice Nurse called Hannah, who visited Mum and Dad regularly. She was caring, patient and informative, and made sure that we had everything we needed. Mum and I benefitted from the Hospice’s counselling service. Volunteers even took time out of their day to drop things round and chat to Mum.”

“The Hospice really were amazing, that’s really the only word I can use to describe it,” adds Alison.

“Hannah used to visit us quite a lot and she was a great support not just for Mark, but for me as well.

“Mark really used to value Hannah’s advice. There were times when I would suggest something, and he wouldn’t be sure, he’d then speak to Hannah and suddenly it was a good idea.

“Being able to ring the Hospice for advice and support was really important. There was always someone to listen and someone to offer help when we needed it.”

Mark wished to stay at home rather than be in a hospital or hospice, and the support of our Community Nursing Team helped that to happen.

Alison recalls: “I always had a massive fear of death, probably the best way to describe it was an irrational fear. I would lie awake at night worrying.

“Mark had always said that he wanted to die at home and I did worry about that, about how I would cope. I said that I would do whatever I could to make sure that happened, but I was worried about it. Having the support of Hannah and the Hospice made everything so much easier. We had someone there for advice, people who cared.”

Mark died on October 6, 2023, at home.

Callie explains: “Dad did not want to leave his girls. If he had to leave this world, he wanted to do it where he was happiest, home with us. It is thanks to the work of the Hospice that we were able to respect Dad’s wishes and make his last days as comfortable as we could.

“Losing someone is hard. Caring for them as they go makes it harder.

“Our Dad was the centre of our world and left a chasm in his place. We’ve all had to learn to live with that space and Mum has done so by focusing on giving back to St Nicholas Hospice Care. Who in our darkest days listened, held our hands and fought for us.”

“A little corner of the world, that Mark Oatridge helped build.”

Together Alison and Mark had created a cottage-style garden, and participating in Thetford Open Gardens was something Mark had encouraged Alison to do, however when he became ill all thoughts of that were paused as the family focused on Mark.

Alison was able to open their garden, which is on the edge of a nature reserve, for the first time during 2024’s Thetford Open Gardens.

Alison explains: “Mark was always proud of what we had done with the garden, he had a lot of plans and he had already done a lot of work.

“During lockdown he decided that he wanted to build a wall and railings. At the time, I wasn’t too happy with that idea; I had just painted the fence that was already there and created borders, which he removed, although now I do look out and being able to see the nature reserve makes me smile.”

Callie adds: “Mum and Dad had often spoken of doing the Thetford Open Gardens event. They had spent several years developing their garden. Dad building a railed wall, to look out over Nunnery Lakes, raised beds for mum’s vegetables and a patio for his fire pit. Mum planting the garden with native wild flowers, plants inherited from her own Dad’s garden and vegetables that were to be enjoyed in many a family meal.

“The garden was at the heart of family life; with grandchildren, Noah and Delilah, enjoying swings and counting butterflies that were drawn in.

“It made sense to open the garden in Dad’s memory, a place where my Miki and I often enjoyed coming home to and something that Mum and Dad loved and built together.

“We hope that people enjoyed the views, Sanda’s Truly Scrumptious Foods and Dann’s ice cream, and celebrated the garden, a little corner or the world, that Mark Oatridge helped build.

“Life is unpredictable and no one is exempt from the circumstances that might mean you need the support of such a hospice.

 

“This journey has also taught us that life is short. Hence Mum’s reason for directing her grief into something positive, rather than despair, in the hope that other families will be supported by St Nic’s for many years to come and make their darkest days a little brighter.”